How And Why We Sabotage Our Own Happiness

We form goals with the end-game of finding some form of happiness. Whether it’s baking the best chocolate cake ever, finding your soul-mate, or writing a bestselling novel, the aim of all your efforts is to achieve happiness.

Unfortunately, our road to happiness is littered with obstacles. The good news is that most of these limitations are under our control. You may not realize that the biggest obstacle to your happiness is YOU. Yes, you may be unaware of your daily thought patterns for self-sabotage.

Here’re a few ways for you to get out of your own way:

Chronic self-defeating talk

You have an unforgiving inner critic. It’s that voice of discontent over your abilities. It makes you question your self-worth. No matter how hard you try to ignore it, it keeps droning on about how much you suck.

What to do:

As the saying goes: “If you can’t beat it, join it.” Listen to what your inner critic is telling you, but be its devil’s advocate. Gauge what sort of fear it is laying out.

Then, counter its argument. If it tells you that you’re not just good enough, contradict and discuss why you are. Let your “can-do” voice has a dialogue with your “never-can” voice. Roll that debate clearly inside the courtroom in your head. Be the final judge of the matter with a well-evaluated decision.

Procrastination

Constantly putting off doing something creates delays in achieving your goal. Procrastination is a common feature of self-sabotage. The path to your happiness is always contradicted with instant gratification and your inner disbelief that it’s possible for you.

What to do:

No two ways about it: just do what you have to do. Don’t wait for the right mood, the right season, the right whatever - these may never come. The sooner you can tick off those uncomfortable tasks, the better.

Besides doing is learning. Getting to your personal point of joy requires slogging through a learning curve. The harder the lessons you learn, the more appreciative you would be of your achievement and earned happiness.

Dread of Failure

Let’s not confuse making mistakes with being a total loser. Although mistakes may be upsetting, confusing, and thoroughly unpleasant, they are made to be learned from.

What to do:

Learn from your fails by journaling your answers to “What did I learn?”; “Why didn’t it work?”; “How can I do better next time?” Writing down observations of your blunders can help you plan your next course of action.

Self-sabotaging our happiness is a habit. When it becomes chronic, you ensure that you will be in this unhappy state for as long as you keep at it.

Understand that the state of happiness isn’t a mood. It’s a lifestyle choice.

Photo Credit @ChloeLecareux